Following from the liberal worldview is that dating has no absolute purpose. Instead, there is a sense of automatic validity given to the pursuit of a relationship, based on the existence of some appetite. But such a blanket view of desire is absurd! The lower desires that are often used to justify relationships are, in themselves, rationally neutral. They can't make something reasonable because they are not necessarily reasonable.
I am not waging a war against desire wholesale, but instead, on desire absent reason. Discussing sexual desire will suffice for the present point. Sex is great, but not absolutely. Consider someone who is sexually violated. The reader will likely think of the egregious evil of rape. This is undoubtedly an unreasonable action that is born from a perverted sexual appetite.
But violation of the sexual kind can also be exhibited in other ways. Consider a woman who is in a consensual relationship. The man who pursues her only does so because he sees her as an object to quench his lustful urge. To him, she is no longer perceived as a woman, which is indicative of not only a material existence but some higher rational form, but now is understood as useful flesh. Sex here has been corrupted in the way that it has caused the man to reduce the woman down to an object, not conceptualizing her as what she genuinely embodies. For most, this will be an obvious, unreasonable use of sexual desire.
The appetite for sex is generally neutral, but in these particulars, it manifests irrationally. How, then, do we make sense of the rationality of an instance of a desire? Surely not all cases are as easy to judge as the previous examples.
First, let's start by considering how we should approach desire. The moral life requires properly organizing our appetites in their hierarchical place, with the highest and most rational of those being directed at our fulfillment. Appetite is reasonable insofar as it is in accord with that ultimate inclination. The appetite for food is helpful to investigate here. Those who benefit from food the most are not those who obsess over it. Overeating adds harmful weight to one's body. Nor is it those who ignore food. Your body requires a basic set of nutritional standards to function correctly. Instead, it is those who temper their natural craving. This is because the virtue of temperance, when applied to our appetite for food, enables proper moderation with respect to what we eat, how much we eat, etc. When manifested, it makes the inclination to eat reasonable. Virtue can be generally understood as our path to act in the right way for the right reasons. Or, in a more rudimentary way, to be reasonable.
The attentive reader will not find a condemnation of sex or the other appetites generally, but an elucidation of how they do not suffice as a rational explanation. One cannot intelligently lay the foundation of their dating pursuit purely on something that has no built-in intellectual guardrails. But this is precisely what modern liberalism encourages people to do!
While I will not do so here, I could spend a considerable amount of time critiquing the numerous childish aims people use to justify their relationships. All of these will share a universal quality: if left unbridled by virtue, they cannot be said to be intelligent pursuits. However, higher principles that are in themselves conducive to our flourishing, when adhered to, are always rational. Yes, virtue is always the answer! So then, what is reasonable about dating?
The Real Purpose
Marriage. I wish that one-word sentence carried the intellectual and societal importance it traditionally has. But let's not dwell on the past; instead, let's recover some of the basics of this eternal institution that serves us so well.
Naturally, marriage is the union of a man and a woman, directed towards procreation and the education of children. For the vast majority of people, marriage is what you should pursue. Simply, because it will enable a more virtuous life. Unifying with the opposite sex is a natural inclination. Feeding that tendency in the right way is what the natural institution of marriage is all about.
Now, some people are better suited for other lifestyles, mainly those in religious vocations. But it must be said that these paths are not in contradiction with the natural order that directs people to marriage, nor is it as ubiquitous as the necessity of marriage in the life of the masses. Instead, it is a calling that transcends into a higher realm, building off natural principles that make something like marriage fruitful, and putting a particular type of focus on the divine. In this way, there is clear congruence in the two primary ways of living, no contradiction in principle, but a distinction nonetheless.
Proper dating, then, is the process one undertakes to reach marriage, which is a reasonable end. Remember, this cannot be said about an understanding of dating built on those neutral inclinations previously discussed. However, you can make the statement here because when marriage is realized, virtue is the fruit that is produced. And if you speak to those marked by the traditional vision of marriage, it yields it in abundance.
Is that all?
My goal has been to challenge the liberal view of dating. I demonstrated how one of the more commonly deployed desires that liberals ground their dating life in (sex) is not, per se, intelligent. By dissecting this desire, we can learn how other typical desires typically empowered by a liberal worldview also fall short.
This demonstrates a significant issue with what we might call the "personal" philosophical implications of the liberal dating view. But nothing is really just personal. Liberalism is a political ideology, and I would be the worst conservative in the world if I did not give time to the broader social implications of liberal dating. Which is to say, if it is a "stupid endeavor", then we should expect liberalism not only to produce an unreasonable dating ideology but also to suffer from politically poor outcomes.
For that further exploration, you'll need to drop a follow/subscribe wherever you are reading this and wait for part 2. For now, individuals who adopt a liberalistic view of dating are being irrational.